This series of posts is about important questions and helpful tips on how to communicate properly in a relationship.

1. we discuss until one of us is convinced or we have found a good compromise solution.

What does your discussion culture look like? Discussions are not a bad thing, it is good when partners exchange and discuss their opinions. It shows mutual respect when discussions are possible. However, make an effort to follow clear rules when disagreeing:

We listen to each other carefully and don’t think about our own arguments all the time.
We ask whether we have understood the other person’s statement correctly by repeating it.
We refrain from statements like “You never understand anything! You are always…! Are you stupid? …”
We refrain from hurting each other. If necessary, we ask for apology.
We try to find a third solution besides opinion A and opinion B that we can both live with.
We should neither shout nor leave the room. If this does happen, an apology would be appropriate.

2. My partner often encourages me. He often tells me what he loves about me.

Encouragement doesn’t work on the side. Especially since different people need encouragement to different degrees. Also, encouragement depends on a few factors, such as our own self-image and the communication skills we have.

Write a list of the things you love most about your partner. And give them to your partner.
Remember to consciously encourage your partner every day. If you think something positive about your partner, say it, say it!
Every now and then, leave your partner a little note or card with a compliment or encouragement. Or write it in lipstick on the bathroom mirror.
Tell your partner every day: I love you!

3. we often take time for two and talk for a long time.

There are people who love to share. Others never talk about themselves. However, a stable relationship is based on knowing each other better than any other person in the world. Since everyday conversation often remains very much on the surface, especially when children demand attention, time spent together as a couple is absolutely essential. Also to address things that are unclear or difficult.

Ask lots of questions!

What’s on your mind right now?
How are you doing with work/the kids?
What is your biggest challenge right now?
What would do you good?
What do you wish you had more of?
Are you happy with the way our roles are divided?
How do you envision the next few years?
Buy a communication game for couples.

And if you want to know even more about communication in your relationship, download the free Lifelongapp.