Here are the most common reasons for marital strife and how to master it!
Marriage Dispute Conflict 1: Sex
God’s goal for sex was to create unity, children and a family. “Therefore a man leaves father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Sex is a physical representation of what happens between the souls of a woman and a man when they are married.
Despite this reality, sex sometimes seems like a wedge between a couple and not a binder. How is it possible that something God created for intimacy in marriage can cause so much disharmony between a man and a woman? I would dare say that there are several factors that influence a couple’s sexual relationship.
Whether it is timing, infidelity, past sexual sins or misunderstandings, how can a couple overcome these barriers when they arise?
Talking to each other
Communication is another practical way to have fights with your spouse about sex. This may be difficult at first, but it is very necessary. We need to discuss expectations, frequency, likes and dislikes and barriers. The barriers can include our past experiences and traumas. If you are uncomfortable with the thought of this conversation, it may be beneficial to engage a counselor to help you and your spouse overcome the challenges in this area.
One of the greatest things we can do about sex in marriage is to remember the mutual submission described in Ephesians 5:21: “Subdue one another out of reverence for Christ. This life-changing statement preceded Paul’s specific instruction that a woman should submit to her husband and a man should love his wife. Mutual submission is the objective through which sex should be viewed. Both the husband and the wife should focus on satisfying their spouse. A commitment to this command will help couples overcome this common disagreement.
Pray for each other
Prayer is the first place where one or both spouses must begin. Prayer offers us an infinite connection with God who is able to do what we think is impossible. John 5:14 says, “This is the trust we have in approaching God: When we ask something for his will, he hears us.” It may feel uncomfortable to talk to God about sex in marriage, but He created it. We should go to Him first. He wants us to experience a healthy intimacy in our marriages because it has a direct effect on the health of the family.
Therefore the apostle Paul said: “Do not deprive yourselves of one another except perhaps for a limited time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then you come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because you do not control yourselves. If we do not communicate openly or prayerfully about intimacy with our spouses, doors are left open for the enemy to gain a foothold in our marriages.
Dispute in marriage Conflict 2: Money
Every life adaptation poses challenges, especially financial changes. In unstable circumstances, the cost of taking a couple with you can drop drastically within a few days. A company downsizing, a spouse’s decision to stay at home, or a medical emergency could shake the finances of a marriage.
The tension sets in as the bills continue to rise. Things break and children need endless amounts of money that you don’t have. What should a couple do if they encounter unexpected difficulties in their finances?
Get advice
After a constant search for God’s wisdom and direction. It is also a good idea to consider external support. If you or your spouse are unable to afford a financial advisor, consider looking at free or moderate programs such as Financial Peace and Money Life offered by several churches. These classes can help you and your spouse get on the same page as counting, saving, and spending.
Another suggestion is to have only one bank account. When a couple shares an account, it forces them to talk about how the money is spent on a consistent basis. This communication can be facilitated by using a monthly budget to monitor and plan monthly spending. By integrating these few strategies, you can start working through your financial hardship so that they don’t cause more fights in your marriage.
Pray for yourself and the needs of your spouse.
The answer number one is prayer. Philippians 4:19 says: “But my God will cover all your needs for His riches in glory through Christ Jesus. This statement means that God will eventually take care of you, although it may not be what you want. This is the peace that should govern our financial decisions.
Since we often attach excessive importance to money, working in financial conflicts requires the divine intervention of our heavenly Father. Each spouse has his own idea of how money should be spent, and sometimes they are unyielding. If the two disagree, disagreement can be catastrophic. Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be.” Only God can change man’s heart in terms of money, which is why we should turn to Him.
Marriage Dispute Conflict 3: Communication
How many times have you said one thing, but your spouse heard another? This scenario is far too common in marriage. That’s why Dr. John Gray wrote the book: Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Men and women think differently. Add unique personalities, different backgrounds and different levels of maturity, and communication can become a total disaster. Peaceful date nights quickly go wrong, and church trips can end in anger, so that both people ask themselves, “What happened?
In 15 years I was there more than I want to admit. So I gave an experienced and fire-tested advice on this subject: The beginning is on your knees.
Pray and ask for words of wisdom.
God offers us infinite wisdom and understanding when it comes to communication. He says in James 1:19: “My dear brothers and sisters, be aware of this: everyone should listen quickly, speak slowly, and slowly become angry…. .” This nugget alone would solve much of the communication conflict in marriage.
He also said through Solomon’s words in Proverbs 20:5: “The goals of a man’s heart are deep waters, but he who has insight pulls them out…”. God wants us to use wise words with our spouse to work out the things in their hearts that they cannot communicate with anyone else. This requires time, patience and unconditional love from our side.
These were our 3 big reasons for marital strife. It is definitely not easy, but if we choose to hold on to this and other wisdoms, we will be able to overcome these and other common conflicts.
