After we spoke about tenderness in Part 1 now there is the more delicate subject: Sex.
Although there are exceptions, men are usually more interested in sex than women. But there are differences, too.
There are men who would like to sleep with their spouse every day. Other men are satisfied with once a week or less.
In addition, the needs in marriage change over time.
True love waits!
If you are someone who is not yet married and would like to wait until marriage before having sex, please remember: It is worth it! What you got, no one can take! If you give this gift to your spouse on the wedding night, it is probably the greatest proof of love in this day and age.
And even if sometimes you think that’s maybe totally stupid to wait: No, it’s an incredible strength of character and willpower! If you make it: Congratulations, wow!!
But it’s hard to keep up!
Talk to your partner about your expectations. What’s okay with you, what’s going too far? Make rules so that you don’t constantly put yourself in “dangerous” situations. Unfortunately, most people who decide to wait until marriage don’t make it. But you’re not “the others” either!
You should talk to someone who made it. Ask him how he did it!
Basically, there are a few rules if you want to have your first sex on the wedding night:
1. Strengthen each other to say “stop” in a dangerous situation. If either one makes it, that’s enough.
2. Keep your pants closed. No matter how and where you’re together. If you keep this rule, nothing can happen despite all the passion.
3. Don’t move in together. As soon as you close the door behind you, it clicks in your head! Then it’s almost impossible not to end up in bed.
4. Try to avoid circumstances that tempt you. Like lying in bed alone in the apartment and cuddling.
5. Don’t lock your room door. If someone can come in anytime, it helps!
If you like to wait and your partner does not, I can only encourage you to be strong: If your partner is all about you, he’ll respect your opinion. Because you don’t want to keep sex from him. You just want to wait until you’re both so sure you’re getting married. And then you’re available for him!
If your partner does not want to wait, then you should pay particular attention to the rules, because your partner will not say “Stop” if it becomes dangerous!
Good: What if you think now:
You’re a dumb-ass. Actually, I wanted to wait, too, but I couldn’t make it. It’s too late now.
Sure, you can’t undo it, and that’s a shame.
But there’s one way you can still flip the switch.
In a super lecture on this topic the author Pam Stenzel describes it this way:
A young woman came for a talk. In it she told that unfortunately for her the thing with the special first time is over, she already had sex. But after that, she was looking for a solution. Finally she gave all these things to God and promised herself, God and everyone else, to wait from now on. And she described herself as a “born-again virgin.”
If you’re in a similar situation, there’s a way. Become a born-again virgin.
Restart your life!
Sex and tenderness in marriage
Well, if you are now married or living in a stable relationship in which sex is already part of it, then of course what we have just said is not relevant to you.
Basically, marriage is the safest place for sexuality, because marriage is not easy to separate. That’s why it’s so hard for us to decide to get married.
Sexuality is an extremely sensitive area of our lives. We’re very vulnerable.
We not only expose our body, we also expose our soul.
There’s no other area where we’re more vulnerable. If you sleep with your partner and he talks about it with others or makes fun of it afterwards, then this is probably one of the most difficult psychological injuries of all. If your partner separates from you and sleeps with someone else, it feels like a part of you has been taken.
Worse still, if he cheats on you and sleeps with someone else: then you feel like you’re being driven naked through the pedestrian zone!
If we can drop ourselves completely because we are safe with our partner, then sex is a great gift.
It should be fun for us and give both physical and mental satisfaction!
Some people think sexuality is something dirty. This is wrong. Even in the Bible sex is mentioned several times and if it is not sex with prostitutes or adultery, then sex is a gift from God.
I want you to enjoy the sex!
However, this includes a unit with your partner. If you are under stress, annoyed or hurt by the other, then sex will not really succeed.
Besides, part of this unit is that you talk to each other.
Does your partner know what you want? Have you ever talked about the frequency of sexual encounters you feel comfortable with?
Mostly, certainly not always, but mostly the men have more desire for sex than their wives. Talk about it.
Are you uncomfortable with something? You don’t like some things in bed? Do you feel rejected? Or is it too much for you? Have you set limits that will be crossed? Or would you like to set boundaries?
There is only one way to permanently build a good shared intimacy. And that’s when you know about each other.
And no one can take that conversation away from you. Cause nobody’s as deeply involved in your relationship as you two are.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know. You might be embarrassed. But you know what? Your partner too!
Be careful, be patient with each other. You still have a whole life to develop your sexuality!