Actually, a partnership is a synonym for trust.
So just another word for trust.
Everything that happens in a partnership could be described that way: You always run on thin ice.
Imagine the first time you say “I love you” to your partner. Do you know how much trust it takes? If you’ve ever gotten into a situation where your partner looked at you funny after that expression of love, you know what I’m talking about.
You’re always revealing your innermost self in a relationship. And this is exactly the wonderful thing about a partnership, because this is the reason for its meaning: The deep unity between 2 people.
In the Bible we can read, “And the two shall be one.”
The same should be true for partnership, the two people are deeply connected.
Fear of making decisions
Unfortunately, there is now a fundamental fear among young people, perhaps even among all people, of making wrong choices and being disappointed.
Especially in the generation of young adults, that is, between 18 and 30 years of age, this is the case.
In our global and digital world, we have so many opportunities that it becomes stress. We no longer dare to make decisions such as choosing a place to study or a spouse, because it could be wrong.
That’s actually a shame!
What is behind this fear when choosing a partner? Especially the decision to marry?
It’s the fear of choosing the wrong one. What if I don’t get along so perfectly with my partner later? What if I married the wrong guy later? What if there’s a better one coming?
At no time in the history of the world could people be sure that they had made the right decision. Never. Never.
And: at no time in world history could they have changed anything about a wrong decision.
We have more opportunities than ever before and yet more fear.
A wise woman once said: “You can’t always wait for white writing to appear in the sky: This is the right partner for you! That’s never gonna happen. You have to decide, and then God will stand by your decision.
This statement applies to every human being.
You will have to wait forever and ever to get a sign from heaven if this partner is the right one.
The reason? We’re supposed to decide for ourselves. We should take responsibility for our own lives. And we should trust God not to leave us alone with any of our decisions.
Make up your mind.
Okay, if you are just 15 or only 2 weeks together with your partner, then you should take your time!
But dare you! Have the guts to make up your mind! And then do it.
The influence of negative examples
A second point why many young people cannot easily choose a partner is because they now have so many negative examples. Parents are divorced, aunt and uncle are divorced, best friend is divorced.
People are so insecure that they may still get married at some point, but they wait longer and longer.
While in the 60s the average marriage age for women was 20, women are now almost 28 when they marry.
Men, even 30.
In Germany the average age ist 33, in Brazil nearly 32, in Canada more than 30.
In Japan 30, in England 31. The oldest marriage age is found in Sweden, nearly 35 years, and in Ireland, older than 35 years. (For more information see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_age_at_first_marriage)
So: Getting involved with the partner is of course connected with trust. But the question is: Is your lack of trust really due to your partner? Or is it the problem just described? Can’t you trust because you’re afraid of making a mistake? Maybe because you’re afraid of making the same mistake your parents did? You’re not your mother, or your father. Divorce is not hereditary! Give up that thought and that fear.
Mother Teresa once said:
If you give your best to the world, you could get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.
Whether you can really trust your partner, you will only know if you trust him.
So, ask yourselves:
Do you have a trust problem?
Are you really dishonest with each other?
Or are you just not really sure?
We have the following options:
1. Your partner doesn’t trust you because you don’t trust him.
2. Your partner doesn’t trust you because you really weren’t honest and abused his trust.
3. Your partner doesn’t trust you because he’s had bad experiences before.
Or the other way around!
What’s your problem?
Read in part 2 what that means and how you can handle it!