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10 lies about marriage

1. There’s only you.

One of the enemy’s efforts is often to convince us that only we are the problem – or even better, that only our spouse is the problem – and everyone else around us has a perfect marriage. A marriage where no one fights or becomes jealous, no towels ever lie on the floor, no toothpaste lids come to their place immediately, no arguments about parenting styles.

Social media do much of the work for the enemy; it takes no more than a few seconds of scrolling to believe that you and your spouse are uniquely confused, and everyone else in your circle of colleagues lives the dream.

Rest assured, it’s not just you or your marriage that’s struggling. Marriage is hard and is a group work between you, your spouse and the Holy Spirit. Forget the highlights of someone else’s life on social media and focus on developing your own marriage to the glory of God.


2. it’s okay to flirt.

Many people, even Christians, believe that flirting with someone other than your spouse is acceptable as long as it doesn’t “go too far”. It is the common mindset of “What they do not know will not harm them. But I can assure you that it hurts them – and it hurts you and your way with the Lord.

Your spouse may never notice your banter with the new man in the church or this attractive colleague, but the Lord does.

“He who conceals his sins has no happiness; but he who confesses and avoids them will find mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)

The Bible tells us to escape sexual immorality, not to see how close we can get before we are burned. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Respect marriage and be faithful as spouses. God will condemn anyone who lives sexually immoral and commits adultery.

Stop playing with fire; just flirt with your spouse.


3. the grass is greener elsewhere.

One of the most common lies is that you are better off with another spouse. The grass may look greener elsewhere, but maybe that’s because this couple is watering their field. If you have spent as much time watering your spouse and cultivating your own garden as you envied someone else’s, you may be surprised to learn that many of these brown, dried out patches are your own fault.

The grass is never really greener – it’s an illusion. Do not fall into the shimmering mirage. Pour your grass by pouring it into your spouse and coming closer to the Lord through His Word and prayer.


4. you should trust your feelings.

I am an emotional person and I must constantly remember that while my feelings can be an indication that something is wrong, they are not necessarily accurate and cannot be considered truth. We might “feel” that our spouse will never change. We might “feel that things in our marriage are hopeless. We might “feel” that we no longer want to try. But these feelings are not true.

Our God is a redeeming, restorative, relational God who cares very much for His children and their marriages.

Pray. Have faith. Give your feelings to the Lord and ask Him to help you see the truth. Immerse yourself in the Bible and observe how your emotions coincide with the Word of God. You will have more peace and begin to see your spouse and your marriage through the eyes of Christ rather than through the restlessness of your emotions.


5. your spouse will never change.

Another common tactic of the enemy is to convince us to focus on the shortcomings of our spouse so that we don’t point our finger back at ourselves. We can focus so much on their issues that we conveniently forget to address the way we sin and contribute to our relationship struggles.


6. There’s no hope for your marriage.

When things get especially hard in your relationships, you may be tempted to give up. You can even worry about separation because “it is hopeless. But the Lord says something else. “Jesus looked at them and said: “It is impossible for people, but everything is possible for God”. (Matthew 19:26).

You might be tempted to look at your spouse and think that he will never change his mind, or that he will never know the Lord. But with God nothing is impossible – not even the bad habits of your spouse or your own hard heart. Pray, pray, pray, and give the Lord time to work – not only on your spouse, but also on you.


7. your children should be in the first place.

Another deception is the call to put our children above our spouse. As good parents, we think it is right to put our children first. But the right order – and the only order that works in the long run – is God, our spouse and then our children.

Work, hobbies and personal goals should all come after the first three are firmly established. The best gift we can give our children is the security of knowing that Mom and Dad love each other – and more importantly, that Mom and Dad love the Lord.

If we confuse order and put something before God, we fall into idolatry. A look at the Old Testament Israelites can easily remind us that this is not a good idea.