A person’s personality means his or her behaviour and character traits.
If we know our own personality, then we can understand ourselves better and ultimately love ourselves.
The same of course also applies to the partner. If I know my partner’s personality, I will not only be able to understand him better, I will also value him more.
And we’re all different – thank God. Imagine your partner being just like you. Absolutely the same as you.
If you’re someone who loves to talk a lot, and so your partner, no one would ever listen.
Or maybe you don’t really talk. And if your partner doesn’t talk either, have fun, it’s not very sociable.
People are different!
There is a nice caricature of the German artist Tiki Küstenmacher on the theme of different personalities:
Five animals are standing at a tree. A monkey, a bird, an elephant, a seal and a fish in his glass. The teacher stands on the edge and says: “In order for it to be fair, everyone gets the same task: Climb onto the tree.“
Of course, this is not in the least fair to give a monkey and an elephant the same task. And it’s also incredibly important that we realize how different each one of us is. Because that’s the only way we can appreciate each other.
If we think that everyone has to be like the person xy, then first of all nobody can fulfill that and secondly that would probably also be the end of mankind.
Who have I fallen in love with?
Isn’t it the case that you often fall in love with the person who is different from you?
When I have a bad self-image, I usually don’t fall in love with someone who is just as insecure. If I am a confident doer type myself, I usually don’t fall in love with exactly the same confident doer person.
I fall in love with the one who brings the things into the relationship that complement me or that I desire or that challenge me.
In the first phase of the relationship, in the infatuation phase, i.e. the first 1 to 3 years, it is not difficult to deal with the differences. But when the first infatuation is over, i.e. before the stable and sustainable love grows, the partners get problems with each other. You realize that the other one is different in some things, too, which I didn’t have on my screen before.
There is always the famous scene of the marital quarrel:
The man leaves the toothpaste tube open on the sink and the woman is annoyed. Or the other way around.
And in addition to the relationship problem, many people also have a problem with themselves. Because they do not like their own person in all facets either. How often do I get angry with myself? How often do I despair of my own quirks?
Therefore, dealing with your personality and with the personality of your partner will bring a great change for you in many ways. Believe me, really!
Get to know myself and my partner better
Several billion dollars are invested worldwide in personality development and coaching. And there’s a reason for that. To get to know myself better, to know my strengths and weaknesses, to find out my possibilities has a huge potential. And not only for myself, but also for our partnership.
I hope you’re familiar with the Big Bang Theory: The TV series of technical and IT nerds now in their 12th season. There are four main male characters in it:
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Raj.
These 4 have all totally different personalities.
2 are more human-oriented: One’s Howard, who’s always trying to pick up girls in the first season. He’s the showman, even though he wears gruesome sweaters.
The second one’s Leonard. He is the one who always holds everything together, the team player, the good soul, friendly and nice.
And then there are the fact-oriented guys: Sheldon and Raj. Both could spend hours alone in their lab and would probably become totally lonely if their friends didn’t drag them somewhere all the time.
So there are human-oriented types and fact-oriented types.
We also distinguish between extroverted and introverted types.
Howard the Showman is of course extroverted, Sheldon is also rather extroverted, he doesn’t keep his opinions to himself. Raj is the introverted and withdrawn one who can’t even talk to girls. Leonard is also rather introverted, he doesn’t have to be in the limelight and is often ashamed of his embarrassing friends.
(for more information see DISG personality profile)
The things I’m explaining here are based on the DISG personality profile. By the way, it’s worth taking a look at this personality profile.
Read more in Part 2: The 4 Personality Types, their Strengths and Weaknesses