This is a sensitive topic and requires tact, because often the different thinking of men and women creates potential for conflict and leads to relationship problems.
As a man:
Look at your wife, your girlfriend, understand what she wants.
Women want to be loved just the way they are. They want to be seen, for the things they do that make them tick. They want to be admired, for their insides and their outsides.
And maybe they want a partnership that is exciting and passionate. But what they definitely want is a partner who loves them and gives them security. And despite all self-realization, most women like it when they can look up to their partner!
As a woman:
The man wants to be seen, respected, praised. In a certain way, he wants to be the hero for his partner. If she doesn’t trust him, doesn’t praise him for what he does, doesn’t respect him, then the man will snap. In many relationships, at some point the woman begins to criticize her partner only: “You don’t listen to me, you don’t have time for me, you work too much, you don’t understand me!” However, this is in stark contrast to what your partner wants: respect, love, praise.
Your partner would like to understand you, he would like to make you happy. Therefore, you should help him with this. Tell him what is going on inside you when you feel that he is not listening to you. Tell him when you don’t feel understood, and that it’s important to you to know about his day. But speak to him lovingly. Not reproachfully. He wants to, but can’t do better without your help.
Help your partner feel good and respected about himself. Tell him what he is doing right. Give praise deliberately. Show him what you respect and admire him for.
Sexuality is a kind of dance. A dance that has been going on all day. Sometimes fast and fun, sometimes quiet and tender. There is nothing shameful about the dance, as it is sometimes misunderstood. Even from a Christian perspective, the subject of sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. In the High Song of Love in the Bible, the dance, that is, sexuality, is described with all its facets. God made man and woman that way. And He also intentionally made them different so that this dance of intimacy would be danced by both of them with complete devotion. The result of this consummation of emotional and physical intimacy is not only unique joy and satisfaction, but also a deep bond.
As a man, take care of the romance!
Talk about your sexuality, talk about your desires and needs, what do you like, what do you not like. Besides, of course, it also helps to keep your eyes and ears open while you make love. Dear man, you can definitely find out what your wife likes by trying different things. Pay attention to your wife’s reaction.
Take your time and be patient with each other. Especially if you are still at the beginning of your marriage, it will take practice for both of you to get comfortable with each other’s bodies and with your newfound intimacy. The woman in particular often struggles with shame. This calls for caution.
Create space for yourselves. If you already have children, this is especially important. Take a weekend out for two now and then and nurture your marriage. But even if you don’t have children yet: a change of scenery helps enormously to make romantic feelings possible.
If work is keeping you busy at the moment, try changing your schedules to have at least one full day and 2 to 3 evenings to yourselves. The dance of sexuality takes time. Coming home in the evening just before bedtime and expecting your wife to be willing to give herself with her body will not work.
Find your rhythm, when is she ready, what does she need. Some may be more affectionate in the morning, others in the evening. Some need a whole day off, i.e. a weekend, to get ready for it internally, for others it is enough to have a cozy chat over dinner beforehand.
Due to the complex thinking and feeling situation of women, you will with absolute certainty always come to the point where you have no idea why your partner is reacting this way now. You have more questions and topics about sexuality, love and relationship? Then download the free Lifelongapp today.