How to find a partner for Life
“Every 11 minutes a single man falls in love over Parship”
Did you know that that number is probably an understatement? With more than 5 million users, that would be a bad average.
However, how does it help me if I fall in love but the other one doesn’t?
The really earth-shattering question is rather: How do I find the right partner?
There are countless books and dating apps on this subject. All of them promise to get you married quickly with their good advice. But somehow it doesn’t really seem to work.
In child education a few years ago a German pediatrician for psychiatry took care of appearance. He found that we have lost our intuition. That is, we no longer listen to our gut feeling, we think we have to learn how to raise children in books. And he asked the question how billions of people had previously managed to educate useful adults without these helpful tips.
We can now observe the same thing when choosing a partner. We listen more to anonymous Internet platforms than to our intuition. If the choice of partner could be regulated with a few key figures, then there should not be one unwanted single anymore. But choosing the right partner is more complex. It cannot be made a success with just a few clicks.
I have a friend who has been searching for a partner on these apps for years. Since she is a Christian, she is especially looking on Christian sites. But unfortunately only with moderate success. The first one was secretly already married to another woman, which my friend only found out by chance after months. Another one met my girlfriend for months, but could not bring himself to enter into a partnership with her. And recently there was someone who needed my girlfriend mainly as a logistician, decorator and assistant to set up his new office.
Even though more and more partnerships are now coming together via the Internet, finding and choosing a partner is still a question of interpersonal contact. A famous couple in the influencer scene, Jess and Gabriel, found each other through their respective internet activities. They saw each other in the other’s channel and started writing to each other, then talking on the phone (or probably facetiming) and finally they met in person. She is Australian and he is American. The social media makes it possible.
But like meeting at a party, this love followed a certain pattern:
- they saw each other and found each other attractive and appealing.
- they were interested in the other and first tried to learn about the other from a distance.
- they made contact and exchanged information.
- they got to know each other better and better and fell in love.
- they decided for each other and … happy end … got married.
However, these two did not use a dating platform, they saw each other’s work on the Internet. The difference? In my work I show what makes me special, I am interested in what I stand for. On a dating app, I can lie low and no one will notice. See my girlfriend.
According to a survey, most people get to know each other through their circle of friends. Nearly 40% of all relationships are formed through mutual friends. 15% meet their partners at work, 12% meet in public places. Only 8% get to know each other online.
And this is the key to choosing the right partner:
Go where you meet people who are on the same page with you.
Go meet your friends. Go out together. Do things together and sometimes invite a work colleague or fellow students.
My children are teenagers and young adults. It is natural for them to take part in events for young people in their church. There they meet their friends, have fun and can grow in their faith. And there are a lot of people of the opposite sex, who are similarly ticking.
Find a place where you can find people with the same interests. Join a sports club if you love sports. Join a party if you are interested in politics. Join a charity that shares your passion. Or: Go to a church where there are lots of people your own age. For example, a friend of my children attends our church, but also attends a Sunday morning single service.
If you then manage to move in circles that include the opposite sex, be sociable. Walk up to people, talk to them. Help them to get to know you better. And get to know others yourself. If you just stand in the corner and look at your mobile phone, you signal disinterest. Maybe you are saying that this is not disinterest but shyness. Maybe so, but nobody knows that. Join other groups. Just say “Hello, I am xy and new here”. Most groups say in such a moment: “Oh, I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome.” And you’re in.
Especially if you would describe yourself as a rather reserved person, it is important to overcome yourself. Relationships, no matter what kind, even normal friendships, are only possible if you talk, talk to each other and the others can see you as you are.
Don‘t fool anyone. If you‘re really looking for a partner, you should be honest. Most people have an eye for authenticity. And real people are attractive people.
Maybe you think that nobody could love you if they really knew you with all your faults and your past. But that‘s all wrong. So you figure it out for yourself, which do you prefer? An acquaintance who you feel doesn‘t fool you, who you believe, who has obviously been through some difficult times, but who is honest and without hypocrisy. Or would you prefer someone who is apparently totally holy, has obviously not yet experienced anything bad in his life and has a flawless personality? With the latter, you would run away. Everybody has his own story and normally you feel comfortable with people and accepted when you know that they are not perfect either.
Sure, you don‘t have to reveal your whole soul at the first meeting. Even though this has already been crowned with success, for example in my case.
There is nothing worse among singles than a single who is too actively searching. Your efforts make you look bad. First of all, it seems like you’re not getting any more, so you have to search so hard. And secondly, you destroy any interest in your person, because you seem to be easy to get. That is very unattractive.
Just relax. Be open, but calm.
I had two friends who were perfect examples of each side. The man was in total panic. He became interested in several women in my church at once. But when he was not successful within a short time, he gave up and looked elsewhere. Finally, he met a woman at a singles party who, like him, was worried that she had missed the boat. But their marriage did not last long. It doesn’t speak well for someone who switches from one pond to another in no time at all just because the fish doesn’t want to bite fast enough.
The other example is a woman who was always quite calm. For her, her life was also beautiful without a partner. She relied completely on God, had a good job and did a lot of volunteer work with children. And lo and behold, quite unexpectedly a man from our church fell in love with her, she was courted and at some point said yes. Today they are happily married and have 3 children.
Stay calm. It makes you 100% more attractive!
Besides, your future is in the hands of the one who not only has a brilliant plan for you, but who also loves you infinitely, namely God.